Prayer Room #12 - Pre-Existence

Tonight Father, I feel You drawing me towards the “Who was” Jesus in context to the crucifixion. Jesus You are the uncreated Savior. You have always been, from eternity past. So what did You do before You and the Father and the Spirit sang the masterpiece of creation into existence? Before Day 1, what were You doing Jesus? You were delighting in perfect relationship! From eternity past the Father and the Son have been ravishing each other’s hearts with perfect love, perfect delight, and perfect pleasure! Needing nothing apart from each other! Needing nothing outside of Yourself! The very essence of the Holy, Majestic, and All-Mighty God is fueled from a perfect heart united in perfect love. Unshakably pure, no outside factors could ever add or take away from it. Nothing can change God, not your emotions, not your bad day, not your unbelief, your anger, curses, sin, offense, nothing! You cannot change the look of love that He has for you. No matter how far you run, how far you fall, how many times you turn your back. You cannot change His opinion or His mind. From this place of perfect relationship and love we find the Father and the Sons immutable nature. You needed nothing, yet You created anyways. Why? From eternity past in the place of perfect love You crafted a perfect plan centered entirely around Your Son. In the place of perfect love Your heart overflowed and you desired to give Your Son a bride. For some divine reason You created man for the sole purpose of growing in love and affection for Your Beloved Son. You created us to only be truly satisfied in the beauty and knowledge of Jesus. Before creation the entirety of Your plan was prepared and made. You knew all that was to happen. Still You pressed ahead and created man. Knowing fully that we would replace You and Your Son as the object of our affections. Knowing that most would reject and scorn Your heart. Knowing that Your Son would be spit upon, whipped beyond recognition, and rejected to the point of crucifixion. Knowing fully that Your Son would bear the world’s sin. You knew, and You still created. Jesus, You were there, and You knew the plan to. You knew that the world would reject you. Yet You still saw worth in the plan. Before creation You desired and loved us so much that You set Your face like flint towards Jerusalem (Luke 9:53) with expectancy and desire. You longed for Your bride in such an intense way that You looked forward to leaving Your Father’s House and walking in the steps of man forever so we could be with You. That blows my mind! I always wondered if You knew that day was coming. If You knew the plan, the perfect plan, the only way that we could be with You. If You knew, why did You cry for the cup to be taken? In Your perfection why did You make a plea for another way? I think You have given me a glimpse into the why. I have always been taught two reasons, reasons that weren’t good enough for me. Reasons that left me unmoved. 1. That He was afraid of physical death. (Which is wrong). 2. Because He desired any other way than bearing the full weight of sin. These two answers were never enough for me. These answers failed to move me. The weight of sin answer seemed the most correct because that was the cup He was meant to carry. But it seemed to be missing something. So today during a small group we talked about the definition of sin. My definition is from the root word for sin meaning anything that misses the mark. The definition that our small group leader gave tonight was so much more personal. He said sin was anything that destroys relationship. God’s entire design and plan is centered around relationship. Sin is what separates us from closeness and relationship with Him. In our fallen state we are separated from God and have a damaged and wounded view of relationship. So if Jesus had to bear the weight of the world’s sin, that means separation from relationship. The reason Jesus asked if there was any other way is because He was about to be removed from perfect relationship with the Father. The reason He sweat blood was because of the intense stress and pain He was going to endure through separation from the Father. Jesus was so removed from the presence of relationship that for the first time He called His Father a different name. Every other time in the Gospels He called God His Father until the cross. He cried out from the cross “My God, my God why have You forsaken me.” In crying this out He was strengthening Himself with the remembrance of the eternity past relationship. He quoted the beginning of Ps 22 to reference to the crowd who He was. He bore the full weight of the world’s sin and the full weight of God’s wrath. It is in the crucifixion that we begin to see exactly how strong our Savior is. That is the weight that He carried. That is the weight that He bore for us. The essence of suffering is scorned love. After knowing and delighting in perfect love and unity He chose to be crushed away from that perfect relationship so that we could come into right standing. No man has ever lost as much as He did. Praise be to the Lamb! He is so worthy!!

Prayer Room #11 - Pride

Will I ever stop running? This monumental battle for who I am and healing rages inside my chest. Opposing forces are battling and fighting as we speak. Like two dogs fighting inside me. This choice is paramount. Drowning in offense, lies assaulting, telling me that I’m helpless, hopeless, without a future. The barks and intensity of the rabid dog cause fear and shame. The howls and snarls bring up past words and feelings and reassures me that “I” can fix them alone. To keep them hidden. For the rabid dog has been recently exposed as such. What once was my golden retriever, my comfort and solution to my pain has now had the light of truth shown on it. My old comforter is destructive, insane, wild, deceiving, soothing and evil. It shows me what I was, where God wasn’t, what I deserve, how I’ve been wronged. It invites me back to Egypt with wholehearted abandon. I trusted it, enjoyed its company, and even miss it still. It is the easy road. The wide path that many have gone along. Filled with comfort and instantaneous satisfaction. It is the darkened rooms inside my heart, where light has not shown in decades. It is seduction and illegitimate pleasures without lasting satisfaction. O how the wickedness of comfort has sacrificed the wild and adventurous Christianity we all long for. True life, true pleasure, and true satisfaction are not found with the rabid dog. Disease and infection are the fruits of this one. Emptiness and shame are its children. Power, provision, and protection are its promises. Promises it doesn’t have the resources or ability to keep. This dog provides lack, addiction, and corruption. It’s sweet voice is instant pleasure and draws us towards years (if not a life) of parched tongues, hidden lives, and shameful wickedness. Yet I still cling to this dog. For I have been taught well. I despise the other Dog. Where was He when I needed Him? Why did He bring this pain upon me? He calls me by my actual name. He calls to the one lost beneath mud, scars, and infections. He desires to wash my feet. To serve me and I deny Him. Just like I have been doing my entire life. Yet I know if I turn to Him. If I just turn around and allow Him to love me and hear His voice then He will never let me down but satisfy me fully. So what is holding me back? Pride. That some wrong should be righted before I come back. I feel like I am in a bargaining position with God. I am still trying to manipulate my surroundings to control them so that I am not hurt. God, Father, Daddy, Abba, Friend, it wasn’t Your fault that I got hurt and my family got hurt. It wasn’t your fault. This is me turning around to You. Please come into my life and heal the brokenness and wounds. Please bring freedom to my life finally. Freedom Jesus. Abba free me from these chains of offense. Please don’t leave me here alone. Let me feel Your touch, let me feel Your hug. Let me finally cry…please Jesus I am helpless. I can’t do anything on my own. I am tired of running and not being satisfied. I am tired of being let down and being hurt by those I love and give my heart to. Daddy please heal me. I invite You in. I want You to heal my wounds. I want You to see me at my darkest. No matter the cost. I desire wholeness. Please help me. I can’t do anything. I’m here, I’ve turned. Embrace me, embrace Your son. Let me feel Your love. Let me hear Your voice. These are my desires. Peel away the fake selves inside of me. Burn the masks. Penetrate me with Your burning eyes. You who see all and know my need and how to bring freedom. Bring it. Do it. I desire wholeness. Burn away everything not of You. I want to love you more…

Prayer Room #10 - Transparency

Is it okay to say that I am truly a screwed up individual? Needless to say, God is taking me back through some intense moments of pain in my life. I would love to be honest. I have a heart that is greatly hindered from receiving God’s and other’s love. I don’t know where all the wounds and defenses are, but I desire wholeness. I desire to feel His love for me fully. Unhindered. Now how to get to that point will have to be a huge move of God. I have so many walls up guarding my heart from giving and receiving true love. Jesus, I come before You a beggar. Unable to give You anything. Body low, head down, hands lifted and empty, stomach lacking, heart longing, strength drained, and destitute. I am beyond poor Jesus. I have nothing. No knowledge, no love, full of empty works and phrases that hold no weight in my life. Hungry but scared. Longing but timid. Jesus I have nothing to offer perfection. I have no way. I don’t know how to get to wholeness. Except by pleading with You for scraps. I “know” that You are the only One who can save and heal me. So please Father meet me at my weak words and fill my needs. Help me. Lower my walls. Breakthrough my weak defenses. Give me insight into my pains and defenses, dismantle me. I want, no I need to feel Your love in my life. To have full assurance about how You feel about me. Holy Spirit, Jesus, Father…help Your son. Help me become whole. Guide my feet to the path of healing. I desire to be carried into Your presence. For with You is fullness and life. Please lead me there. I don’t care how long it takes. Just bring me there. Help me receive Your love. I can not do this…

Prayer Room #9 - Prayer

Heavenly Father. Forgive me for resisting You in so many ways. I know now that Your desire is to bless and reward me. That I can only love You as much as I allow You to love me. So help me open up Father. Teach me to feel Your fiery love for me. If my desire is to grow in love for you, then fling the doors of my heart open. Remove the timidity of my heart and teach me the meaning of love with a whole heart. Overwhelm me with how much You love me. Tenderize my heart. Fascinate me. This is what I am desperate for. My heart has yet to truly love You. Increase my capacity by filling my heart with Your desire and affection for me. Captivate me. Reward me with your love so I can give it all back to You. I love You Lord. Teach me the depths, heights, and width of Your love. Amen

Prayer Room #8 - Desire

So today I had a pretty intense experience.  God opened up a lot of wounds two days ago so today I cried out for healing.  That God would meet me at my open and fresh wounds and bring healing.  I didn’t want anymore crutches in this walk.  So I started reading in Acts 6 and 7 about Stephen.  My spirit was so drawn to His story.  I burned with a desire to know God in such an intimate and close way that my face would shine.  While reading it I stood up and started praying hard that God would remove all my past baggage and wounds.  That He would open up any hidden wounds so that healing could come. While I was praying that prayer to Him I heard the internal audible voice of the Holy Spirit tell me to go open up Song of Songs and that He would give me the verse I needed to meditate on.  I knew He would highlight it.  It stuck out so powerfully!  “Draw me after You, let us run…” Song of Songs 1:4  My spirit jumped inside me.  This was what my entirety desired, to run with my lover.  To be drawn away into His heart and beauty and to RUN!  I stood again and started praying this verse over and over again.  While I was doing it He showed me an image of me trying to run with chains and weights behind me.  I was running hard towards where He was, but I was moving slow.  I cried out for God to release me so I could run!  Then He spoke to me and told me that I have been running passionately after Him against these weights and chains.  That He desired to heal me but was turning my struggle into my benefit.  While I ran with the weights I was strengthening myself (with a growing hunger and desire) so that when He gave me freedom I would run so much harder, faster, and longer with Him.  I set the pace of this journey.  I want to run!  I know it is a marathon and a battle but I will not slow up or give anything less than my all to this race.  I want to run with Jesus swiftly with the long run in focus.  Giving my all everyday so I may fall exhausted at His feet every night tired, weary, spent.  Knowing that I gave my all.  Please teach me Lord!  Help Me!  I am a weak man.  Teach me to run after you!  I am but a child.  Teach me to run!  Loose the weights that bind me so I may reach You, grab Your hand, and rush with You into the knowledge of who You are.  Teach me!  I love You Abba!  My Father, my Lover, my Running mate, my Deliverer.  I love You!  Help me love You.  Teach me to love You more.

Prayer Room #7 - Weakness

“I thank You, Father, Lord of heaven and earth, that you have hidden these things from the wise and understanding and revealed them to little children;yes, Father, for such was Your gracious will”. Luke 10:21

O Father, how wise You are! For You in your wisdom chose the children to shame the wise. You chose the weak, wounded, small, ugly, unorthodox, awkward, dirty, and meek to overpower the strong and proud. Thank You! You are showing me more and more Your perfect leadership. You destroy the self confident and self satisfied. You chose the broken for children. The ones with nothing to offer the world but pennies. In a world where inner posture doesn’t matter you counted it the most worthy. The weak and broken cannot rely on themselves. The ragamuffins and invisible are Your children. You are so great! If all we hold onto is You, we can’t be shaken. We have no wealth, no glory, nothing valuable in the eyes of this world. How blessed we are! For in my emptiness, in my unworthy state, in my tears and hopelessness, we look up and see first Your eyes. Your beautiful eyes looking straight into us, piercing our hearts, blowing past our barriers. Your eyes full of compassion and light. How Your eyes grip our very heart. Desiring, compassionate, inviting, satisfying, blazingly jealous gaze. And if we weren’t already undone by Your look, we suddenly see Your arms open wide. Open! Beckoning us in! Dirty and nothing to offer You. You still have Your arms open. You know what is best for us. Our complete satisfaction is found in Your gaze and embrace. You are completely glorified when we are utterly satisfied! Our satisfaction, our true satisfaction cannot be found outside of You! So thank You Father! Thank You for breaking me open last night and pouring out my pent up tears. It hurt so bad but you never left me! After I said everything and anything I could to get You to leave. I still looked up and found myself in Your arms. True loves gaze blowing open the doors to my soul. I love You Fahter. I love You Jesus. You are worthy of everything I have. Everything I can give. Take it all! Come Lord Jesus! Come and claim Your inheritance! Come and claim Your weak and broken son! I desire to have You over every weak and broken facet of my life. Don’t stop! Intensify! Holy Spirit do not relent until You break and set ablaze every passion, thought, desire, and love that is not from You. You desire all of me! So take me! I want You! O mighty lover of my soul come claim Your bride. Lead me down the perfect path. I trust Your leadership! I trust You! I love the Son because He shows me the Father! Abba, I desire You. Come quickly!

Prayer Room #6 - Honesty

So yesterday the “Honeymoon” ended and You showed me that I still have many deep issues and problems. Thanks! Haha. Lord, I will never leave You. I desire You. But I am in constant need of You. Help me Father! Whatever it takes, pull me onward toward deeper and deeper revelations of you. Enlarge this heart of mine. How can I fully experience You with this small, hard heart. Soften my heart. Tenderize my heart to receive the still small voice of the Holy Spirit. (I took another break from journaling here and took some time to pray).

If I appear as anything besides weak, confused, and broken then forgive me. For I am a weak and wounded man; with questions in His heart from his youth. I find that the simplest childhood questions are still begging for an answer. What is love? Are you happy with me? Do I have what it takes to make it in this world? Why weren’t you there? Why was I hurt? Why am I still scared? Why did you let my family suffer? Will this wound ever be healed? All these questions have answers in Your word. I believe Your word. So why am I still wounded with a heart contorted with offense and fear. If you desire the weak and wounded Father, here I am. Can a heart be as twisted as mine to run away from and pursue You? To love and despise You? To understand nothing yet in my pride display a mask of intelligence? To put on a mask of joy while my heart is raging inside my chest? With the same mouth I sing praises about You and question Your goodness. I am sick on the inside Father. Can’t You see my pain? I want to be whole Father. I want to just pretend that this hurt doesn’t exist. That I have what it takes to gain healing. My words mean nothing. I am full of lies and partial truths. Destroy me Father. I’m not even worth Your continual look of love. A vow of authenticity? I made a vow to hide behind a distorted display of faked goodness. I give advice on pain when I don’t know how to identify and fix my own. I advise people on matters which my own heart still struggles with. I am a fake. A fraud. Here I sit in a room dedicated to the authentic pursuit of you. Here I sit condemning myself with my feelings. O how I hurt Father. I hurt because I fake happiness. I hurt because I know nothing. I hurt because I’m the same kid 13 years ago. Full of fear, pain, and confusion. Loving to pretend that I belong somewhere. Running from the same wounds. Desiring someone to tell me it’s going to be okay. Longing for You to tell me it’s okay. O God I have tried finding you there. In that moment. I don’t see You. You are the only One who can heal my brokenness. I’m here Jesus. Still wounded. (More prayer and meditation)

I’m settling this once and for all Jesus. I love you Lord. Those words mean I care for you deeply. They mean I am willing to die for Your name because You are worth it. I want to spend time with You. I love spending time with You. You bring me Joy. You satisfy me. I love you so much God. I truly love You. Take Your rightful place as King in my life. I take pleasure in Your leadership. How you make me smile. Even when the feeling isn’t there, I know You still love me. You do not and will not change. You will never hurt me. You only have good in mind for me. You delight in me. I want to glorify you with everything I am. I want to step into the fullness of freedom and Joy in You. I cannot heal myself. I can’t do anything apart from You. It frustrates me that I’m so helpless. It frustrates me that I can’t fix it. Why couldn’t I fix the divorce? I never wanted to feel helpless again. Even when displaying weakness it wasn’t true weakness because I was still in control. Take the control. Take it Father. I’ve been trying to fix things in others lives because I couldn’t fix the divorce. I’ve been trying to defend others because I couldn’t defend myself. I can’t fix people. It’s not my job to defend everyone all the time, every second. Thank you Jesus for loving me. Thank you for this healing journey. Holy Spirit bring to the surface any offenses I have. So that I may walk with You in healing. Continue bringing me into freedom. I desire You Father. I love Your Son. Teach me to trust Your leadership. I need You. Make me dependent.

Prayer Room #5 - Depravity

 So these next few posts are going to give you a view into my weak and wounded heart.  I am pretty brutally honest with how I was feeling.  I almost don't want to post these next few blog entries because of how vulnerable I am in them...  But praise God for healing! 

Father, I am broken, wasted, dirty, wicked, and perverse.  I admit I don’t know the next step.  Turns out the one thing you were pointing to in my life is the very pipeline of waste I’ve been hiding.  You have opened the pipeline Father.  All my wickedness, perverse thoughts, and offenses towards you came spewing up.  I am freshly reminded about past sins and emotions buried deep.  You have pulled me back to the past and now I stand covered in it.  All the hatred, lust, confusion, utter sadness and hopelessness, darkness, etc.  I am covered in it.  I can’t get it off of me.  I hate being helpless.  I hate You breaking through my masks and facades.  Lord, I desire step “Z” in this process and I am still struggling with step “C”.  How many more unforeseen wounds do I carry?  How much baggage am I still holding onto?  I desire to know and feel You vividly in my life, but does it have to hurt like this?  Why do you have to remind me that I still don’t know what true love is.  That I still have heavy emotional blocks in my life.  Have I got so good that I fool even myself when I feel emotions?  Lord, I desire to truly feel what I’m meant to feel.  To not hide my true heart and emotions any longer.  Oh Father have your way.  I am already drained and emotionally burdened, take it all.  Please Jesus take this weight, I cannot bear it any longer.  I want to be free.  Free from my inability to cry/fear.  Free from feeling like you shouldn’t/won’t bless me.  Free from being incapable of loving for fear of being rejected again.  Free from manipulation, impure thoughts, and fake versions of me.  Loose these chains Father.  Jesus bring freedom.  I desire to press on in this journey into deeper and deeper levels of intimacy with my Beloved.  I don’t just want head knowledge of You.  I want You Father.  I want You Jesus.  I want You Holy Spirit.  So please Father, continue stripping off the layers that bind me.  I cannot bear them any longer.  Free me.  I cannot pretend that I can fix me any longer.  Help me. Help me.

Prayer Room #4 - Faith

    So God placed on my heart another area to wrestle with.  He is so faithful to give a desiring heart things to ponder and meditate upon.  Let me give you a little background information.  Yesterday, all the Track 1 interns got prophesied over.  It was a new experience for me because I have never been prophesied over before.  There was one prophecy that stuck out to me and is still hard for me to swallow.  My core leader Cameron came and sat by me and told me that he prayed and asked God about me, and what God gave him floored me (with doubt and questions haha).  He proceeded to tell me that God showed him an image of me as Elijah, calling down fire from Heaven. That God would be forming me into a great man of faith. (which is funny because right now I am filled with so much doubt).  That God would use me to turn the hearts of the sons to the father, and the hearts of the fathers to their sons.  I want to confess that many emotions are flooding through my mind about this.  First, how entirely unworthy I am that God has this plan for me.  Right now I admit that I am a man full of doubt and scared to give control of everything to a God so wild.  Oh how His goodness overrides those feelings, but I am still scared.  Holy Spirit I barely know Your voice, how shall I call down fire and be led by You.  How does one communicate with the Holy Spirit?  Is it the right words?  The right gestures?  No, I believe methods have no place with God.  Just because God moves at a certain place and time doesnt' mean He only works through that place and at that time.  God and Jesus have proven that there is no method to His power being displayed.  To one deaf man He spoke healing, to another He placed His fingers in His ears and healed him.  To one blind man He touched his eyes, to another He spit and made mud.  For Moses to part the Red Sea he raised His staff, for Elijah and Elisha they threw down there cloak.  God is not about method, He is about the heart. (At this point I put down my journal and did some meditating and thinking.  God pretty much rocked my paradigm of faith before I started writing this next part that night).

     Faith is so GOOD! "...Have faith in God. Truly, I say to you whoever says to this mountain, 'Be taken up and thrown into the sea', and does not doubt in his heart, but believes that what he says will come to pass, It will be done for him.  Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours" Mark 11:22-24  Can I just say that it is so much better to believe than doubt?!  I read that verse and took it to heart when praying for healing over two people.  I believe that they got healed!  i don't know if I can go back.   How my spirit jumped with Joy when I placed my faith and believed that they were healed.  It puts into sharp focus everything else I can't see.  God's plan for my life, healing, prophecy, the Holy Spirit moving and working, God's leadership.  O How I am moved with such Joy!  Such freedom!  I believe that You are a POWERFUL God!  Full of mercy and steadfast love and faithfulness.  Because of these promises I can step out in faith and believe!  I believe without seeing, without knowing, by disregarding logic.  Increase this fervency!  Place the very things You desire on my heart!  So that I would ask and You would grant Your servant approval in these matters! Amen

Prayer Room #3 - Pursuit

"And I will give you shepherds after my own heart, who will feed you with knowledge and understanding".  Jeremiah 3:15

   The highest pursuit we can give ourselves to is the pursuit of the knowledge of God.  Our picture of God affects everything in our life.  It affects the way we see God, ourselves, and others.  So when we devote the rest of our lives to pursuing who God is, what he is like, his loves, etc. we are actually shaping our future.  We must devote the rest of our lives to seeking, pursuing, digging, struggling, and searching for the knowledge of God.  "Oh the depths of the riches and wisdom and knowledge of God.." Romans 11:33

   For the rest of my life I devote myself to pursuing His personality, His passions/emotions, His plan, and His power.  There is no ending of these pursuits.  When given eternity it still feels to small of a time to search every nook, turn over every rock.  How I desire this journey!  May every footfall be filled with humility and hunger.
   O compassionate King, how I need you.  I pray that you stoke and increase this desire inside me.  That I may know you!  Daily would my knowledge of you increase.  Father satisfy my soul with the beauty of Your Son.  I can only be satisfied one way, I was made for this pursuit.  Father today I made a commitment to you.  One that I will do my best to keep all the days of my life.  May you give me the grace to press through and run hard after You.  Jesus I love and desire to have my life hinge on your passions.  What you Love, help me to love.  What you hate, cause me to detest.  Your emotions are so important to me!  I love you! I need you!  Jesus Come! Amen

Prayer Room #2 - Experience

"...Please show me now your ways, that I may KNOW YOU 

in order to find favor in your sight." Exodus 33:13

      O Father, how Moses and David echoed each others cries.  I find myself crying out for the same thing.  One thing have i desiered of the Lord, that will I seek, To KNOW YOU." Ps 27:4  Moses and David, mighty men of Yours.  They strove after and lived by one common hunger.  One common thought and desire.  To look and gaze upon You!  Father this same hunger is weling up inside me, driving me, pressing me into You.  In the midst of pressing into You my insecurities and fears are starting to surface.  I doubt.  I doubt that you will do the same for me that I see you do for others.  I desire to experience everything that You are.  It pains me to doubt your goodness for an instant.  I KNOW You are good.  your name is powerful Lord.  Continue to press on me the weight of Your name.  

"The LORD, the LORD, a God merciful and gracious, slow to anger, and abounding in steadfast love and faithfulness, keeping steadfast love for thousands, forgiving iniquity and transgressions and sin, but who will by no means clear the guilty..." Exodus 34:6-7

      Teach me to fear Your name!  To tremble at the very mention of Your name.  Father feed this hunger in my soul.  Feed this hunger from my heart.  Satisfy this desire.  Feed Your sheep with knowledge of who You are.  Teach me to fix my gaze upon You and Your beauty.  Allow me to gaze upon You alone.  Encounter me with the beauty of Your name Jesus. "Please show me Your glory." Exodus 33:18

Prayer Room #1 - One Thing

"One thing have I asked of the Lord, that will I seek after: that I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life, to gaze upon the beauty of the Lord and to inquire in His temple." Psalm 27:4

     

    The Lord blessed me greatly by opening up the door for the Fire in the Night Internship.  Ever since I started He has placed a cry in my heart.  An unstoppable cry:  To know Him.  It overwhelms my thoughts and prayers.  It soaks my conversation.  Lord I have to know you.  There is nothing else.  I cannot allow any other lovers to come between Jesus and me.  God I must know you!  There is nothing else.  Holy Spirit drench my cry!  I love you!  - Caleb

P.S. "All these posts are directly from the journal that I carry into the prayer room with me.  I will not edit what God lays on my heart.  I am just typing it in verbatim.  Much love" Caleb